Golf Lus tso dag: Teeing Up Favorite Funnies
Muaj ib tug nyob luag ntxhi nrog rau qhov no sau los ntawm zaj dabneeg-style golf tso dag
Txhua neeg siv pas ntaus ib lub pob yuav tsum tau ib tug zoo luag tam sim no thiab dua. Peb ua si nawv yog ib tug tawv ib lug tau sai dlua, uas tej zaum yuav pab piav qhia txog yog vim li cas golf tso dag yog xws li ib tug ib feem ntawm qhov kev ua si.
Npaj rau luag, ces? Peb twb muab tso ua ke ib co ntawm golfers 'nyiam golf tso dag rau hauv no thiab hauv qab no cov nplooj ntawv. Cov sawv daws yuav rau ntawm qhov no yog lawm tso dag, ntau tshaj ntawm cov "zaj dab neeg" zoo ntawm golf dag. Peb kuj muaj ib tug nyias muaj nyias ib phau ntawm luv luv golf funnies, puns, thiab ib-hnab twb qhib lawm rau ceev quips:
Thiab peb muaj ib tug nyias muaj nyias ib phau ntawm lus tso dag txog (thiab nyob rau cov nuj nqis ntawm) El Tigre nws tus kheej:
Tam sim no mus rau lub golf tso dag ...
LUB SUAB NTAWM LUB clubhouse
Nws yog ib tug tshav ntuj hnub Saturday thaum sawv ntxov, ib tug me ntsis ua ntej 8 teev sawv ntxov, kuv nyob ntawm tus thawj qhov nyob rau hauv The Oaks ntawm St. George Golf Club thiab pib kuv pre-txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv niaj hnub, thaum ib tug tho lub suab tuaj tshaj lub clubhouse loudspeaker:
"Yuav lub neej rau tus poj niam tee rov qab mus rau cov txiv neej tee thov!"
Kuv yuav xav tias txhua txhua lub qhov muag rau hauv chav kawm tom nrhiav rau kuv. Kuv tseem sib sib zog nqus nyob rau hauv kuv niaj hnub ua, seemingly impervious mus rau lub kev cuam tshuam.
Dua cov ntawv tshaj tawm: "Yuav tus txiv neej nyob rau hauv tus poj niam lub tee kindly rov qab mus rau cov txiv neej tee."
Kuv tsuas tsis quav ntsej tus txiv leej tub thiab khaws cia ywm, thaum ib zaug ntxiv, lub suab cem, "puas yuav tus txiv neej nyob rau hauv tus poj niam lub tee rov qab mus rau cov txiv neej tee. Thov?!?!"
Kuv thaum kawg nres, muab ib ncig, cupped kuv ob txhais tes thiab qw nrov nrov rov qab: "Tus jerk nrog lub microphone thov kom nyob ntsiag to thiab cia kuv ua si kuv ob txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv!"
LUB PAM TUAG Procession kev
Plaub golfers uas nyiam mus twv txiaj poob nyob rau hauv tib foursome. Lub lauj kaub ua thoob plaws hauv lub hnub kom txog thaum lawv mus txog lub 18th ntsuab, qhov chaw uas Charlie muaj ib lub caij nyoog rau putt rau khob noom cookie. Yog hais tias nws ua rau nws 10-ko taw putt, nws yeej $ 200.
Charlie kab li nws putt, tab sis cia li raws li nws yog ib txog kev yuav coj nws stance, ib tug pam tuag Procession kev pib dua nyob rau hauv txoj kev uas sau alongside lub 18th qhov.
Charlie kauj ruam deb ntawm nws lub pob, teev cia nws putter, yuav siv sij hawm tawm ntawm nws lub kaus mom thiab qhov chaw nws tshaj nws lub siab, thiab tos rau lub ntees tuag Procession kev mus kiag li dhau. Ib tug tag nrho cov tsheb nyob rau hauv lub ntees tuag Procession kev dhau los, Charlie picks nws putter thiab pib meem li lub putt dua.
"Wow," ib tug ntawm nws tw hais tias. "Qhov ntawd yog lub feem ntau kov ub kov no tshaj plaws uas kuv tau puas tau pom. Koj twb tau txais ib tug makeable putt rau $ 200, tsis tau koj tso tseg thiab them koj respects. Koj yeej yog ib yam dab tsi."
"Zoo," Charlie hais tias, "peb tau sib yuav tau 25 lub xyoos."
Nyob zoo Abby
Nyob zoo Abby,
Kuv twb yeej tsis sau rau koj ua ntej, tab sis kuv yeej xav tau koj lub tswv yim. Kuv tau xav tias rau tej lub sij hawm tam sim no uas kuv tus poj niam tau coj tsis ncaj rau kuv. Lub ib txwm tej yam tshwm sim. Xov tooj rings tab sis yog kuv teb, ib tus neeg hu hangs. Kuv tus poj niam tau mus nrog "cov ntxhais" ib tug ntau tsis ntev los no txawm hais tias thaum kuv hais lawv cov npe nws yeej ib txwm hais tias, "Cia li ib co phooj ywg los ntawm kev ua hauj lwm, koj tsis paub lawv."
Kuv yeej ib txwm sim pw tsaug zog mus nrhiav kom paub nws los tsev, tab sis kuv feem ntau yog poob pw tsaug zog. Xijpeem, Kuv yeej tsis tau mus rau qhov kev kawm nrog kuv tus poj niam. Kuv xav hais tias sib sib zog nqus cia kuv cia li tsis xav kom koj paub qhov tseeb, tab sis nag hmo nws mus tawm dua thiab kuv txiav txim siab mus tiag tiag saib rau nws. Nyob ib ncig ntawm ib tag hmo, Kuv txiav txim siab mus nkaum nyob rau hauv lub chav nres tsheb tom qab kuv golf clubs ces kuv yuav tau ib tug zoo saib ntawm tag nrho txoj kev thaum nws tuaj txog hauv tsev los ntawm ib hmo nrog "cov ntxhais".
Nws yog nyob rau ntawm lub sij hawm ntawd, cov yeeb yam khoov qab kuv clubs, hais tias kuv pom hais tias cov graphite ncej rau kuv tsav tsheb los tshwm rau muaj ib tug kab plaub hau keej txoj cai los ntawm cov sibntsib lub taub hau.
Yog no ib yam dab tsi kuv yuav txhim kho kuv tus kheej los yog kuv yuav tsum tau coj nws rov qab mus rau lub pro khw qhov twg kuv yuav nws?
Kos Npe,
tov
LUB DEJ POB
Ib tug neeg siv pas ntaus ib lub pob, tam sim no mus rau hauv nws golden xyoo, muaj ib tug lub neej ambition mus ua si qhov 17th qhov ntawm TPC Sawgrass raws nraim txoj kev lub pros ua nws.
Lub pros tsav pob tawm tshaj cov dej mus rau hauv lub me me ntsuab uas yog nyob rau ib tug me me nti tawm ntawm thaj av. Nws yog ib yam dab tsi hauv lub neeg siv pas ntaus ib lub pob tau sim pua pua ntawm lub sij hawm tsis muaj kev vam meej. Nws lub pob twb yeej ib txwm poob luv luv, mus rau hauv cov dej.
Vim li no, nws yeej tsis siv ib tug tshiab pob rau no xyov qhov. Nws yeej ib txwm khaws tseg ib tug uas muaj ib tug txiav los yog ib tug nick, raws li tau ua ntau lwm yam "nruab nrab" golfers thaum sib yooj yim heev qhov.
Tsis ntev los no nws tau mus rau Sawgrass mus sim dua. Thaum nws tuaj rau lub fateful qhov, nws teed li ib tug laus, txiav pob raws li ib txwm, thiab hais tias ib tug ntsiag to thov Vajtswv.
Txawm li cas los, ua ntej nws yuav ntaus pob, ib tug haib lub suab los ntawm saum toj no ciali mus yuav booming tawm los ntawm cov huab, hais tias:
"Tos! Hloov hais tias qub pob nrog ib hom tshuaj tshiab."
Cov neeg siv pas ntaus ib lub pob complied, nrog ib co me ntsis misgivings, txawm lub fact tias no tib yam quab yuam seemed yuav implying tias nws twb mus thaum kawg tau nws lub neej ambition.
Raws li nws tshaj mus txog rau lub tee ib zaug ntxiv, lub suab tuaj dua:
"Tos. Kauj ruam rov qab. Noj ib tug xyaum viav vias."
Yog li ntawd nws tshaj rov qab thiab muab ib tug xyaum viav vias, tej yam tam sim no hais tias qhov no saum ntuj ceeb tsheej quab yuam yuav ua kom nws npau suav los muaj tseeb.
Lub suab boomed tawm dua:
"Coj lwm xyaum viav vias."
Dutifully, nws ua li ntawd. Nws nres expectantly thiab tos ...
Ib tug ntev silence ua raws li ...
Ces lub suab rov:
"Siv cov laus pob."
POB ZEB TXIAS
James thiab nws tus phooj ywg Tom ua si ib puag ncig ntawm golf nrog lawv cov pojniam ntxov nyob rau ib hnub Sunday. Nws yog ib tug plaub pob, zoo dua pob hom nrog ib tug me ntsis ntawm cov nyiaj ntsuab rau ntawm kab.
James sawv nyob rau hauv 10 tee muaj hooked nws yav tas los peb tee txhaj tshuaj , thiab tsis muaj ib tus surprise nws hooked nws tsav dua. Thaum nws pom nws lub pob, nws yog txoj cai tawm tsam ib tug ntawm cov greenskeepers vaj tse. Nws tus poj niam qhia nws mus ntaus lub txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv ntawm ib tug nqaim kis ntawm ib sab ntawm lub tsev thiab tej ceg.
"Kuv yuav tsis ua li ntawd," James hais tias. "Saib yuav ua li cas nqaim uas kis yog!" Tab sis nws tus poj niam yog pheej nyob rau hauv urging nws, thiab nws ntxias kom James mus sim cov hau kev pheej hmoo txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv.
Yog li ntawd James coj ib tug mighty viav vias thiab ntaus pob ... thiab lub pob caromed tawm ib tsob ntoo ceg, ricocheted tawm lub tsev thiab ntaus nws tus poj niam nyob rau hauv lub taub hau, khob nws pob zeb txias tuag.
Ib lub lim piam tom qab lub ntees tuag, James thiab lwm tus phooj ywg, Ashley, tau muaj ib puag ncig. James teed li lub npas rau No. 10 thiab ntaus lub caij nyoog txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv nws tau ntaus ib lub lim tiam ua ntej.
Nws pom nws lub pob nyob rau hauv tib lub chaw, thiab ib zaug dua nws tus khub qhia nws ntaus los ntawm cov kis.
"Tsis muaj txoj kev," James hais tias. "Kuv yuav tsis ntaus uas txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv."
"Yog vim li cas tsis tau?" Ashley nug nws.
"Zoo," James teb hais tias, "koj paub dab tsi tshwm sim lub sij hawm dhau."
"Tsis muaj, Kuv tsis," hais tias Ashley. "Yuav ua li cas tshwm sim?"
"Zoo, kawg lub sij hawm kuv sim uas txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv," James hais tias, "Kuv ua ib tug muab ob npaug rau bogey !"
ARNIE, nkaus THIAB Tsov UA NTEJ VAJTSWV
Arnold Palmer , Jack Nicklaus thiab Tsov Zoov yog sawv ntawm lub zwm txwv saum ntuj ceeb tsheej. Vajtswv zoo nyob rau hauv lawv thiab hais tias, "Ua ntej nyiaj tau los pab koj ib qhov chaw nyob rau kuv sab, kuv yuav tsum nug koj seb koj tau kawm, yog dab tsi koj ntseeg tias nyob rau hauv."
Vajtswv hais kom Arnie ua ntej: "Yuav ua li cas koj hais tias?" Arnie xav tias ntev thiab nyuaj, zoo nkaus li Vajtswv nyob rau hauv lub qhov muag, thiab hais tias, "Kuv ntseeg hais tias nyob rau hauv ib qho nyuaj ua hauj lwm, thiab nyob rau hauv nyob muaj tseeb rau tsev neeg thiab cov phooj ywg. Kuv ntseeg hais tias nyob rau hauv muab rau. Yog kuv muaj hmoo, tab sis kuv yeej ib txwm sim ua txoj cai los ntawm kuv tus kivcua ntsawj . "
Vajtswv yuav pab tsis tau, tab sis pom cov qhov tseem ceeb goodness ntawm Palmer, thiab muaj nws ib lub rooj zaum rau nws sab laug. Ces Vajtswv puv Nicklaus thiab hais tias, "Yuav ua li cas koj hais tias?"
Jack hais tias, "Kuv ntseeg hais tias mob siab rau, kev qhuab qhia, ua siab loj thiab yawm yog cov fundamentals ntawm lub neej. Zoo li Arnold, kuv ntseeg hais tias nyob rau hauv zog ua hauj lwm. Kuv, dhau lawm, tau muaj hmoo, tab sis yeej los poob, Kuv yeej ib txwm sim los ua ib tug yeej muaj tseeb neeg ua ncaj thaum ua si, ob qho tib si nyob rau hauv thiab tawm ntawm lub ua si tom teb. "
Vajtswv yog heev tsiv los ntawm Jack tus high-pitched hais lus zoo, thiab nws muaj nws ib lub rooj zaum rau nws txoj cai.
Thaum kawg, Vajtswv puv rau Zoov: "Thiab koj, Tsov, dab tsi li koj ntseeg?"
Tsov teb hais tias, "Kuv ntseeg hais tias koj nyob rau hauv kuv lub rooj zaum."
Ib tug dag thiab ib tug cheater
Lee thiab Gary lub taub hau tawm mus rau lub golf chav kawm rau ib tug ceev cuaj qhov. Nyob rau hauv thawj tee, Lee puv rau Gary thiab hais tias, "Yuav ua li cas koj hais tias peb ua lub sij hawm no tsim nyog ib yam dab tsi. Play koj rau $ 5?" Gary pom zoo, thiab lawv pib lawv rounds.
Nws yog ib tug zoo kev ua si, thiab tus ob lub neej phooj ywg mus txog rau lub No. 9 tee box nrog Gary ua ntej los ntawm ib tug mob stroke. Tom qab Lee hits ib great tsav, txoj cai cia rau hauv nruab nrab, Gary kauj ruam mus thiab kom sai hooks ib lub pob rau hauv tob ntxhib thiab cov ntoo.
"C'mon," Gary hais rau Lee, "pab kuv nrhiav tau kuv tus pob. Kuv mam li saib nyob rau hauv no thaj ntawm cov ntoo, thiab koj saib ib ncig ntawd."
Lawv saib thiab saib thiab saib, tab sis tsis muaj pob yuav nyob. Lub tsib feeb sij hawm txwv rau searching rau poob khoom yog hais txog khiav tawm. Gary tau txais xav ua kom tau. Nws muab ib tug ceev plia mus rau Lee saib yog hais tias nws yog tab tom nrhiav, ces nrawm nce mus txog rau hauv nws lub hnab tshos thiab dauv ib tug tshiab pob rau hauv lub ntxhib.
"Pom kuv pob!" Gary thiaj hu nrov nrov tawm kov.
Lee ntsia nws tus phooj ywg nrog zoo siab. "Tom qab tag nrho cov xyoo peb twb yog phooj ywg," Lee hais tias, "koj xav cheat rau kuv ntawm golf rau ib tug measly tsib bucks?"
"Yuav ua li cas koj txhais li cas khib lav?" Gary nug indignantly. "Kuv pom kuv pob zaum txoj cai nyob ntawm no!"
Lee cia tawm ib tug hnyav sigh. "Thiab koj xav dag kom kuv thiab? Tag nrho rau ib tug me me me ntsis sum ntawm cov nyiaj? Koj xav cheat kuv thiab pw rau kuv, rau li cas? Rau tsib bucks? Kuv tsis tau ntseeg hais tias koj xav khoov li uas tsis muaj."
"Zoo li cas ua rau koj thiaj li paub tseeb tias kuv yuav coj tsis ncaj thiab dag, rau nkawv noj?" Gary nug.
"Vim hais tias," Lee teb hais tias, "Kuv twb tau sawv nyob rau hauv koj lub pob rau hauv lub xeem tsib feeb!"
PUAS LI CAS UAS?
Chuck yog ib tug nrov neeg nyob rau golf qws, tab sis nws cia li tas li ib tug txaus ntshai round ntawm golf thiab yog tsis nyob rau hauv lub mus ob peb vas mus xyuas lub clubhouse tom qab taug kev tawm lub 18th ntsuab. Yog li ntawd nws mus ncaj tawm mus rau lub chaw nres tsheb thiab pib hloov nws nkawm khau.
Cia li raws li nws tau kaw lub pob tw ntawm nws lub tsheb, ib tug tub ceev xwm tub ceev xwm pom nws. Lub policeman, siab tawv-faced, taug kev mus rau Chuck thiab nug hais tias, "" Koj puas Tee tawm nyob rau hauv lub thib kaum rau qhov hais txog peb caug feeb dhau los? "
"Muaj," Chuck teb hais tias, "Yog kuv tau ua. Yog ib yam dab tsi tsis ncaj ncees lawm, tub ceev xwm?"
"Koj puas tau ua li cas rau nqe lauj koj tee txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv?" tus policeman hais.
"Yog, kuv puas tau," teb hais tias Chuck.
"Koj lub pob ya saum cov ntoo thiab tawm hauv chav kawm?" tus policeman hais.
"Vim li cas, yog, nws puas tau," hais tias Chuck. "Vim li cas koj nug kuv cov lus nug no?"
Tus tub ceev xwm tub ceev xwm teb hais tias nyob rau hauv ib tug heev loj thiab siab tawv yam: "Koj lub pob, sir, ya mus mus rau hauv txoj kev loj thiab poob lawm los ntawm ib tug neeg tsav tsheb uantej. Qhov ntawd tsav tsheb tsheb mus tawm ntawm kev tswj thiab spun rau hauv ib lub khwb rail, qhov twg tsib lwm lub tsheb ntaus nws . Ces muaj ib lub tua hluav taws tsheb, uas tau sib xeem khiav mus rau ib tug tua hluav taws, smashed mus rau hauv lub pileup! "
Lub policeman lub suab twb nce nrog consternation. "Qhov hluav taws kub tsheb yuav tsis ua rau nws rau qhov hluav taws kub, thiab lub tsev hlawv pov tseg! Tag nrho cov no vim hais tias koj hooked ib tee txhaj koob tshuaj tivthaiv!"
Lub policeman yog liab-faced, thiab nws txawm nres mus caum nws ua tsis taus pa. "Yuav ua li cas koj xav hais tias koj yuav tsum ua li cas txog tag nrho cov no?" nws thaum kawg nug Chuck.
Chuck yog ib tug rhiab txiv neej thiab ib tug upstanding pej xeem. Nws xav tias nws tshaj rau ib pliag, ces teb hais tias.
"Zoo," Chuck hais tias, "Kuv xav tias kuv mam li sim qhib kuv stance ib tug me ntsis."